by Kristia Davina Sianipar

If Indonesia were to elect a Christian woman of Chinese descent as Head of State, it would cause an uproar that would rival Barack’s Obama ascent to power as the President of the United States.

I am an auditor. What do I know about politics and economics, or public policy and infrastructure?

But if I were a president,

I would build bridges and underwater tunnels from Sumatra to Java to Bali to Lombok to Nusa Tenggara, possibly to Irian Jaya to Maluku to Sulawesi to Kalimantan and back to Sumatra. It would probably look like the Singapore’s Circle Line MRT. On its opening, I would stand above the Flores Strait and screamed “Yatta!” like Hiro of Heroes. I would be on my way to Irian Jaya. I heard it’s really beautiful there.

I would create a Baliwood in, where else, Bali. I would have Hawaii in the faraway Raja Ampat, a Batam Street, and a more central administrative centre. (If US can have its Wall Street, and Hollywood, and DC, why can’t we? After all, its President came from Menteng).

I would probably have a New Amsterdam in the Old Batavia by 2020. A World Cup in Kalimantan forests, too. By then probably the forests would be bald enough to create 100 soccer fields. Oh, that is if the world did not end by 2012 like what many Indonesians feared that they just had to raise controversy over the movie screening.

I would have a Social Development Unit just like our neighbour, but more focused on inter-racial marriages. By 2020, Indonesians would probably be racy with each other by screaming, “Well, you’re just mad because you are… you are… what are you?” (Credits to kevjumba for this joke, which he did much better on youtube than me on a cheesy “If I were a President…” article).

Ooh, talking about this neighbour, I would probably follow their example and increase my salary, and my ministers’s salary, and my directors salary, and, of course, the teachers pay too. That way, I would not be suspected of any corruption cases. The media would be too busy buzzing about my sky high salary despite the many hungry children on the street. Between corruption charges and receiving a ridiculously high pay, the latter seems preferable, no?

Oh, and I would probably not endorse the Obama kid statue.

Thank goodness the odds of a woman of common background, a Chinese descent, and a Christian to ever be an Indonesian President are rather miniscule.